Someplace to Go For Free
Must We Pay for "Third Places?" Hip Ones, Usually, Yes.
In This Episode:
Tom offers a short take on third places where incidental connections happen, and he shares an unexpected laugh with God on a college campus.
Photos from our January Forum, Kids and Incarceration
Upcoming 2026 events, including a free Forum (in keeping with the topic of this newsletter)
Common Grounds
There was a time in sociological studies when we were introduced to “third places.” You know, the spaces between work and home where we simply bump into people outside of our tribal alliances: Starbucks, the pocket park, or the DMV holding zone.
Obviously, some of these places are more inspiring than others. The notion comes up in discussions of mental wellness, tribal political discourse, and the built environment.
Recently our son Will turned 30. He’s a reserved fellow who likes to be around people. I think that’s why he values the anonymity (and energy) of living in Philly.
To honor his milestone birthday, three of his sisters, Becky, and myself reserved a table at LMNO, a trendy, baja-styled, Steven Starr restaurant in Fishtown.
We were chatting about making meaningful connections, and he said
There’s no place I can go to that isn’t going to charge me for being there. Like, I would do yoga or something, but it’s gonna cost me.
I hadn’t really thought much about this dilemma, one that’s increasingly bearing down on his generation. His younger sister Maggie, who works at LMNO, chimed in:
“My dance troupe is like a family to me.” For her it’s like a third place where she is neither working, sleeping, chilling at home, or shopping. Just being with folks.
And then I saw a light go on upon her face:
Oh, yeah, I pay for that.
Will’s comment immediately triggered a response in me which, in times past, would’ve come from a place of self-righteousness. But in this case, I just stated it as a fact, and it was well received. At least I think so. I said,
Church has always been a place that’s free for anyone.
The thought behind my comment went unsaid because my kids know how I spend my time. It went like this:
Even if someone isn’t sold on its message, there’s still a permeability in the society of most religious bodies. In my church, at least, a big front door swings wide open, metaphorically and physically, thanks to our renovated entryway. It’s also got a back door the same size, meaning that we don’t try to hold people in a tank till we get what we want from them (like the DMV).
Toxic sects, greedy cults, and fundamentalist enclaves notwithstanding, the basic Christian church of most stripes is a come-as-you-are, no-charge, sort of third place. At least for testing the waters, seeking, or just to be around people, that is.
I can hear the cynic tossing up the old trope:
But in the end churches just want something from you and ultimately your money.
Sure, sometimes, it’s happened. And it’s not as if Verizon, Mary Kay, or even the local burger joint loves you solely for your soul.
Or the truly damaged soul saying:
Churches are made up of the worst kind of sinners-the ones who can’t see how hurtful they are. Church isn’t a safe place.
Agreed. Any church, no matter how loving or human-embracing, isn’t safe from the ravages of sin. And to cover that up is a sort of abuse. Christians should be more honest and realistic about themselves, but that doesn’t mean they can’t also attempt to gather to learn how to follow their Lord. It doesn’t mean that Jesus can’t break through and add a little healing within churches.
I guess I’ve been lucky or blessed, however you prefer to see it. My church is an extended family, and after 25 years of serving and receiving, I’ve never once been charged a fee. It’s true!
Invited in to share my blessings so the Kingdom work of Christ can move forward in concert with others? Sure. Glad to help. For I’ve been helped a hundred times over.
You Get What You (Don’t) Pay For
All that to say, we need to look around at all the free-of-charge ways we still have for meeting others on the human bridge. Not every “public” space is dollar-signed.
Your home, a common area in town, a public park, a waterway, an alley, or your church are great places to start. We need to show people their worth as image bearers and not as commodities.
All we gotta do is invite them in.
The door is also wide open for any of us to create a third place, which is why I founded The Row House Forum.1 My neighbors Josh and Rufus started WestArt partly to be “a living room for Lancaster.” And though a $4.75 latte is not free, it’s a small price to pay for a welcoming place to work or meet up with people.2
Our guest writer from last month, Jarah Jacquay, puts third places in their place in our Commonwealth rather nicely:
The Puritans tended their commons not merely for recreation but as an extension of covenantal duty. Jonathan Edwards reminded them that true piety must express itself in visible love of neighbor, not in privatized spirituality alone. When Christians build and maintain civic spaces, they practice stewardship, patience, and charity. They create what the early church called koinonia—fellowship that extends beyond the sanctuary into the structures of everyday life.
Incidentally, our son Will works at Musette, a very cozy coffee shop in Fairmount near the Philadelphia Museum of Art. For him, it’s a work family, a sort of third place that helps him pay the bills. Drop in and tell him his dad said Hi. It’s likely you’ll bump into his brother-in-law, one of his three sisters, or one of his two adorable nieces.
Having a Laugh with God?
Anyone who’s lived with me has endured my raspy soprano. If an old timey song that sounds like it ought to accompany a carousel pops into my head, I’ll belt it out. Revivalist hymns get a lot of air time. Becky will sometimes stop me. Sometimes she’ll join in the evangelical blasphemy.
So, after a Monday-Tuesday pastor’s retreat a week ago I couldn’t get “Jesus Paid It All” out of my head. It was the final song of the conference, heartily crooned by a room full of baritones (mostly).
I’ve never liked the tune, and I apologize if you’re offended at that. Hear me out.
All day Wednesday I hoisted it aloft with my velvet voice. That evening Becky and I hosted The Row House board meeting. Then Dr. Kelsey Kreyche and I made our way onto the Franklin & Marshall College campus to share a talk with the InterVarsity student group.
We could hear the worship team practicing their songs as we approached the meeting room in the student center. And this is what we heard:
Busted!
Indeed, “Jesus Paid it All” was on the docket that night, but the students translated those old lines into a soulful, updated vernacular.
All I could do was chuckle and sing on. The joke was on me, and if felt like God was laughing with me.
Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to ❤️ this column or share it with a friend. See you soon!
Snowy Cheers,
Tom Becker, Curator of Surprises
Jan 09, 2026 at The Trust
Diana Vuolo, Kids & Incarceration
To hear the audio of her talk on what SWAN is doing to come alongside kids who have a parent behind bars go here.
Upcoming 2026 Forums
At The Trust Performing Arts Center at 7:00 PM
Feb 13 | Re-Imagining Kensington
with Jeremy Chen, interns, volunteers, and students of Klean Kensington Philadelphia, mentoring at-risk youth through paid gardening and friendship
May 1 | Beauty x Justice: Creating a Life of Abundance & Courage with Mako & Haejin Fujimura
co-hosted by The Open Discourse Coalition at Bucknell University
FREE EVENT! Tickets Required
Astute readers will perk up and say, “But you charge admission!” Too true, but we would love to host more free events like the one on May 1st outlined above. We figure it’d take about $6,000 a year in grant money to do that. Presently our Members and Sponsors are eligible to attend our Forums for free and to bring a friend as a perk for their donation. So, we’re getting there!
Don’t tell Josh, but sometimes I walk across the street to WestArt to pop in on neighbors, friends, or colleagues without buying something. I’ve not been kicked out yet. 😜
I love this topic! And it is something I have thought about more lately. With space at a premium in urban settings or too dispersed in more rural ones, community gathering spots can be hard to find.
When we lived in Northern California, our town square formed a pleasant outdoor common that was a hub, especially on farmers market days (2x per week) when there would be a band in the bandstand and/or individual musicians busking. There was a group home/community center for adults with a wide range of disabilities and they would come in groups and dance and socialize. Shoppers and office workers and moms with kids, teens on their own, (and sometimes people who misbehaved) would all be there on the square. I miss it.
I also used to house sit in a very rural area in the northeast and the local watering hole would host drop-in music nights every so often, bluegrass I think, and anyone who wanted to sit in could just come play with whoever else showed up. The innkeeper also kept some less used rooms open and the porch available even when it was quiet so you could stop in and play a guitar and maybe someone else would join in. You could buy a beer or not, it was fine to just be there. Music seems to be a point in common and I do think people crave the opportunity to be musical in company.
Come sit in a chair at Nooks for free! :)